What actually shapes us as leaders?
It’s easy to assume it’s the big milestones—the promotions, the wins, the defining career moments we can point to on a résumé.
But what if it’s something much smaller?
In a recent episode of Leadership Story Talks, Chris Dyer shared a story that challenges how we think about impact, memory, and leadership—and it starts not in a boardroom, but in a childhood talent show.
The Moment That Wasn’t Supposed to Matter
At 11 years old, Chris found himself in a new school, struggling to find his place. In an attempt to connect, he signed up for a talent show—despite not having a clear “talent.”
He ended up lip-syncing an ’80s hit. Against all odds, that decision led him to appear on a national TV show.
On paper, that should have been the defining moment.
But it wasn’t.
What stayed with him wasn’t the spotlight or the performance—it was something quieter.
His uncle, who was terminally ill, showed up that day. He sat with Chris backstage, talked with him, calmed his nerves, and simply was there. Not long after, his uncle passed away.
That moment—being shown what it means to truly show up for someone—became the one that shaped Chris’s life and leadership.
Why We Remember So Little—and Why It Matters
Chris poses a powerful question in his work:
If we remember less than 1% of what we experience, are we showing up for the right moments?
The implication is profound.
Most of what we do as leaders—meetings, emails, check-ins—will be forgotten.
What won’t be forgotten are the moments where:
- Someone felt seen
- Someone felt supported
- Someone needed you—and you showed up
Those are the moments that stick. Those are the moments that define culture.
The Leadership Mistake Most People Don’t See
For many leaders, culture feels abstract.
But Chris’s journey started with a hard realization:
The culture he had built wasn’t working—and it was his fault.
During the 2009 recession, after losing 40% of his clients overnight, he turned to his team for ideas.
They had none.
Not because they weren’t capable—but because the culture he had created trained them not to think independently.
“I had built a company full of executors, not thinkers.”
That realization changed everything.
Culture Is Not What You Say—It’s What You Design
One of the most important lessons from this conversation:
Design what you want—or deal with what you get.
Culture doesn’t happen by accident. It is built through:
- What you reward
- What you tolerate
- What you make visible
- And critically—how you handle key moments
When Chris introduced transparency—sharing financials with the entire company—something unexpected happened.
Ideas started flowing.
People engaged.
Ownership increased.
Not because of a motivational speech—but because people were finally invited into the story.
The Power of “Moments Thinking”
At the heart of Chris’s work is a simple but transformative idea:
Leadership is about recognizing and shaping moments.
But most leaders miss them.
Why?
Because moments don’t announce themselves.
They show up as:
- A new hire’s first day
- A mistake someone makes
- A team transition
- A difficult conversation
- A quiet moment when someone needs support
Often, we only realize their importance after they’ve passed.
Chris argues that our bodies actually signal these moments—through stress, tension, or heightened awareness. But we misinterpret those signals as pressure, rather than opportunity.
Showing Up vs. Saying the Right Thing
One of the most powerful distinctions in the episode is this:
Great leaders aren’t just demanding or supportive.
They are consistent in how they show up when it matters most.
That’s the difference between:
- A tough leader people respect
- And a tough leader people resent
The difference isn’t style—it’s trust built over time through meaningful moments.
A Final Thought: What You Don’t Change, You Choose
Chris leaves us with a challenge that cuts through everything:
“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
In leadership—and in life—there is no neutral ground.
If your culture isn’t working,
If your team isn’t engaged,
If something feels off—
That’s not something happening to you.
It’s something waiting for you to change.
The Real Question for Leaders
So here’s the question this conversation leaves us with:
Are you showing up for the moments that matter?
Because long after the strategies are forgotten…
Long after the meetings blur together…
Those moments are what your team will remember.
And ultimately, they’re what define your leadership.
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